Mentoring FAQs

Here are the most frequently asked questions about mentoring:

What is the difference between coaching and mentoring?
Coaching is primarily about performance and the development of specific skills. Mentoring is much more broadly based and intuitive, focusing on developing capability and often includes longer term help in career self-management.

How long should a mentoring session last?
Between one and two hours, typically.

How frequently should mentors and mentees meet?
At least once a quarter, with a telephone and e-mail contact in-between. If meetings are more frequent, the mentor is likely to become too hands on, or feel imposed upon.  Use common sense to agree at the start a balance that suits both, but be prepared to review that agreement if there is a radical change of circumstances.

Where is the best place to meet?
Where mentor and mentee both feel able to relax, yet be business-like in their discussions. The mentor's office is usually not a good idea, especially if the mentor is significantly more senior. It can be even more threatening to meet in the mentee's working area. In general, a neutral, private space is usually best. 

How long should a mentoring relationship last?
Some last for many years, perhaps a lifetime. However, most people outgrow their mentor and this is generally a good thing for both people. It is usually considered best practice to set up an expected end date for the relationship, to provide some sense of pace. However, many mentoring pairs set new goals and continue, sometimes several times over.

Can I have more than one mentee at a time?
Yes, but it's best to start with one or at most two, while you develop your skills in the role. It's very difficult to maintain the quality of relationship, if you have lots of mentees, unless you are a professional mentor.

Do I have to really like my mentee?
It helps, and the relationship won't go far, if you can't stand each other. However, formal mentoring is often seen as a "professional friendship", the key is that you respect each other and make the effort to understand each other. Many deep friendships have developed from mentoring relationships where the two parties were initially unsure of each other.

How do I avoid treading on the toes of my mentee's line manager?
In general, line managers focus on developing people for the roles they are currently in; mentors for the longer term and for a much broader range of issues (for example, work/life balance). It's important to make it clear to the mentee that you are not there to sort out day-to-day work issues or build their technical competence. 

How confidential is the mentoring relationship?
In general, everything said in the mentoring discussions is private to the mentor and mentee. However, you have certain legal obligations to report criminal conduct, for example, and many organisations insist that the mentor has a duty to report any possible incidents of sexual harassment or bullying, which they hear about through the mentoring discussions.

What if my mentee tells me they are going to leave the organisation?
The confidentiality rules still apply. And because the mentor is entrusted with looking after the best interests of the mentee, s/he should not automatically try and dissuade them. Rather, the mentor should help the mentee review the opportunity and the reasons for choosing to leave, helping them test whether this is a good choice. This unbiased, objective approach seems to work better at retaining people than trying to sell them on the idea of staying.